When Tanushree said Na, Na

Between Tanushree Dutta's claim that Nana Patekar passed some lewd comments and attempted to touch her and Nana, director Rakesh Sarang and Producer Sami Siddique's refutals I would tend to go with the woman's version. Nana is capable of, and has often during film shootings, passed lewd comments when he is irritated. He passes them against both male and female actors and crew members-- you can't always shrug it off saying "it's Nana's character and he doesnt mean it". In these politically correct times you should know to restrain yourself.

During the dance rehearsal Nana would have touched Tanushree in order to show how the item number could be made more "sexy". And I am sure choreographer Ganesh Acharya and director Rakesh Narang would have nodded their heads in approval. It's just that Tanushree did not agree with their input, felt humiliated and walked off.

Situations like this have happened many time in Bollywood and not just with Nana. At times like this you need a sensible head around to difuse the situation. The trouble at the shoot of Horn OK Please was that there was no one to sort out the issue. The makers thought it was a good controversy to call the press to cover. That publicity has thrown egg on everyone's faces, including the media's.

The police in such cases usually pays safe and the peacemaker. They will advise Tanushree to drop charges against Nana Patekar, who is politically well connected. The actress will drop hooliganism charges against the rampaging mob and producer Sami Sidique will not take the case to the IMPPA or Cine Artistes Association.

Meanwhile, item songs which are overtly meant to titillate will continue to be lapped up by all of us.

Storm brewing at Deols?

Dharmendra is having a tough time deciding who is "apne" and who is "paraye". All is not well in his large extended family. The trouble: the thespian is planning his will and there is a storm brewing over who will inherit his property. A little bird from his farmhouse at Panvel (on the outskirts of Mumbai) tells me that Dharmendra wants to set aside some property to his "second" family, comprising of Hema and her two daughters Esha and Ahaana. But this proposal is not going down well with the "first" family comprising of wife Prakash and sons Sunny and Bobby. The jewel in Dharmendra's will is the approx 500 acre worth of farm land at Panvel. There are plans to build a medical college and a resort all of which will yield hundreds of crores.

Sigh, a film story being played out in real life, isn't it?

Why Hritik is better than SRK...

If you can classify item numbers as hit and flop, then Shahrukh Khan's latest item number Break Free for the film Krazzy 4 is a flop. Hritik Roshan's version of the same song is a hit. Why? While the song is hardly catchy, SRK's dancing steps and the choreography was not good enough to stop you from switching channels. Hritik dances better--so even though he danced to the same lousy tune, you can bet that school children will soon imitate his moves.

So then why did SRK agree to do the item song? Was he sold a lemon by Roshan Sr saying that since Hritik was injured he couldnt dance and so could SRK please bail out the promotions of Krazzy 4 with an item number? Or was SRK aware that both of them would be doing an item song and commited harakiri only because it was one way to be in the news before the IPL took off?

I think it is the latter. In the coming months till the IPL finals are over you will see SRK doing everything to be in the news.

What makes a hit film?

At the Ficci Frames conference, three generation of film makers had an interesting take on what makes a film work.

Ramesh Sippy of Sholay feels that there is no such thing as an ideal film. "When you make a film, too many people decide what is right or wrong. But a good film maker is one who keeps his own counsel and does what he thinks is right."

Vidhu Vinod Chopra of the recent Eklavya says what counts is the film makers passion and self belief. "The truth is that even after seeing a film it is not always possible to predict how it will do at the box office. For example, Sholay and Munna Bhai."

Shimit Amin who made Chak De feels that "There has to be something crazy in the film maker. It is an endless game, but so long as there is passion to keep trying and be innovative, we, as film makers, will derive satisfaction."

But hold on to your horses if you think passion alone makes a good film. I am sure Ram Gopal Varma, Subhash Ghai and Suneel Darshan were all passionate about Aag, Kisna and Shakalaka Boom Boom.

So is it then a good story that makes a hit film? If so how do you explain the non success of Dor or the success of Heyyy Baby! Maybe if Dor had stars it would have been a blockbuster. But then how did Laga Chunari Mein Daag flop?

The fact is nobody knows what will work or flop.

Signing spree

The desperate demand in Bollywood to sign up directors is amusing. Remember Tigmanshu Dhulia who made an impressive debut in 2003 with Haasil and then followed it with an average Charas in 2004? Well, Dhulia has been struggling for the past five years to make a film. Poor guy started on a periodic film with Sunny Deol that remained incomplete because the producer went bust. He then started and almost finished Shagird with Nana Patekar and Mohit Alawat-- but is waiting for Nana to recover from his fractured leg!

These days Dhulia is on a signing spree. He has signed not one but about eight films! They include deals with Balaji Telefilms, Vinay Sinha- Studio-18, Neeraj Pathak, UTV Spotboy, Zee Motion Picture and Vijeta (Sunny Deol's banner).

The funny thing is every producer thinks Dhulia will be starting their film asap.

Stars yes but actors?

Dropped in the sets of Rakyesh Omprakash Mehra's Dilli 6 in Mumbai the other day and saw the difference between stars and actors. Mehra as a director follows a Hollywood style of film-making. He, accompanied by cinematographer Binod Pradhan, first watches the actors rehearse, then their moves are blocked, the area lighted up, and only then does he call out for Sound, Camera and Action.

For most stage and professional actors this is a welcome procedure. And on the sets you can see how actors like Om Puri, Waheeda Rahman, Atul Kulkarni, Pavan Malhotra and Raghuvir Yadav put in wonderful performances.

But for the new lot of undisciplined actors such as Abhishek Bachchan and even Sonam Kapoor all this means extra hard work and is a "waste of time" These stars are used to walking out from the make up van and strutting back to its comfort after "delivering" their lines.

Sigh. Is it any wonder then our stars make such poor actors?

An Indian Anthony Minghella?

The death of the talented Anthony Minghella reminds me of two of his unique qualities that we in Bollywood could well do with. The first is his ability to read a book, spot a film, and adapt a screenplay around it. The English Patient (Michael Ondaatje), Cold Mountain (Charles Frazier), The Talented Mr Ripley (Patricia Highsmith), and the unfinished The No1 Ladies Detective Agency (Alexander McCall Smith) are good examples of his craft. How many contemporary B'wood directors are able to do that? I believe Ashutosh Gowarker loved Kiran Nagrekar's The Cuckold and used some elements of it in Jodha Akbar.

The other amazing quality that Minghella had was to start a production company, Mirage, with Sydney Pollack. Together they have laucnhed films like Iris, The Quiet American, The Interpreter, Breaking and Entering, Michael Clayton....

Can you think of our Bollywood directors with their huge egos teaming up to produce some good films? Mani Ratnam, Shekar Kapur and Ram Gopal Varma tried it once with their India Talkies that produced Dil Se. They couldn't work together ever again.

Is Race another Cash?

Abbas Mastan's Race could be the defining straw that will decide the fate of Bollywood's first quarter results . Everybody desperately wants a hit (Jodhaa Akbar is the lone one) and are praying that Race will be it. The duo's last film Naqaab was a dud; earlier, 36 China Town was hardly an exciting film but still managed to be an average earner.

Everybody says that promos of Race look slick and that the film has a good cast. So did Anubhav Sinha's Cash. It had lots of style and had lousy content.

But whatever be the fate of the film, Abbas Mustan need not worry. Eros has invested heavily in a co-production deal with them where they will be producing films with other directors like Rumi Jaffrey. Meanwhile, Reliance's Big Motion Pictures, Studio 18 and UTVare desperately trying to woo them for directorial projects. The only problem Abbas Mastan have with the corporate honchos is that they don't speak English!

Gems from Roshan Seth

Was channel surfing yesterday when I came across Roshan Seth on television. He is in Rajasthan filming for Disney's The Cheetah Girls- One World. Roshan is a fine actor-- remember him as Nehru in Gandhi and Bharat Ek Khoj, or from My Beautiful Laundrette and Such a Long Journey? He was last seen on Indian screen playing a minro role in Mani Ratnam's Guru.

Roshan is pissed off with Bollywood for its unprofessional attitude. This is what he had to say about two of India's best known directors.

On Yash Chopra: "He called me up and told me he wants me to be the father of the girl in Veer Zaara. When I asked for a script he asked why."

On Mani Ratnam: "He comes to the set, writes the scene in Tamil, then someone translates that in English and then that is translated in Hindi and then it was given to me."

Seth went on to add that he walked out of Rang De Basanti, and Mangal Pandey.

Isn't it nice to see someobody shout that the emperor is wearing no clothes?

'Abs'olute trash

The six/eight pack abs media hype is driving me nuts. When will we see a day when an actor is written about for his or her acting prowess? Or a film is written about for its compelling story or entertainment? Does it really matter to us that Fardeen Khan is developing a six pack abs for his next film Acid Factory? Is he the next Rambo ?Or that Bipasha Basu has elongated her eyelashes like Rihana? Or how Kareena Kapoor, Akshay Kumar and Saif Ali Khan have gone blonde for Tashan?

I shudder thinking of the day when I will be reading about an actor who has a mole in his ass.

Kashmir Singh = Veer Zara?

Yash Chopra must be chuckling as he watches TV. The news channel are crying hoarse covering the return of Kashmir Singh (imagine the newspaper headlines: Pak returns Kashmir to India!). Singh spent 35 years on death row in Pakistan accused of espionage. Last week President Musharraf pardoned him.

If you take out the pretty girls and Bachchan playing hockey, Kashmir Singh's story is so similar to Chopra's last directorial venture, Veer Zara, isn't it? But it's not a case of real life imitating reel life. The release of PoWs, both by India and Pakistan, has been going on for many years now.

If you keep aside Veer Zara (no Yash Raj Film starring Shahrukh Khan has ever failed), when was the last time you saw a film based on a real event doing well at the box office? Parzania, Black Friday were all critically acclaimed but commercial failures. Halla Bol failed on both counts.

Is it because we are so used to seeing "live" reality events on TV that we don't want to see an adaptation on cinema screens?

Or is it because there are no good film makers who can dramatise an event and tell an engaging story?

Spineless industry

It is disgusting to see how spineless the film industry's representative bodies are. On Sunday a group of film personalities, most of them from the Marathi film industry, carried out a signature campaign initiated by the Maharashtra Navnirman Sena. Their grouse: remove the court gag order on Raj Thackeray that prevents him from make inflamatory speeches or statements. The signatories include Nana Patekar, Shreyas Talpade, Sajid Nadiadwala, Sajid Khan amongst others.

What irritates me is not this campaign. It is the shameless silence on the part of the Film Producers Guild of India, the Film Federation of India, the Association of Motion Picture Producers and Television Programme (AMPTPP), Indian Motion Pictures Producers Association, the Indian Film And Television Directors Association, and all other workers federations and association. What the hell are they doing when a film made by their colleagues gets banned in Rajasthan, UP and Punjab?

Why hasn't the industry united to raise its voice against the Jodha Akbar ban by people who have not seen the film?

Is it because many people in the industry want to see the makers of Jodha Akbar bite the dust?

Is it because Raj Thackeray has more clout in the industry?

Is it because Hritik Roshan lacks the political conviction of an Aamir Khan?

Fox and Turner in Bollywood

All those who thought that the Sony Pictures Sawariya's disappointing show in the Indian box office would put off foreign film companies from opening shop in India are wrong. The latest to jump on the Bollywood bandwagon are Fox and Turner.

Fox, many moons ago was to coproduce with Ram Gopal Varma, the Sriram Raghavan directed Ek Haseena Thi but pulled out l. Two years ago it entered into a deal with UTV to co-produce Mira Nair's The Namesake and I Think I Love My Wife starring Chris Rock. Now the company has opened an independent office in India headed by Vijay Singh (formerly of Sony-BMG Music).

Turner, which has a joint venture in India with Miditech to launch a TV channel, is also setting an independent film production company. They are still trying to put a team and want to primarily focus on animation films.

Both foreign firms are facing the same hurdle. Almost all stars and A grade directors have been signed up and are unavailable for almost two years. So what will these companies do in the meanwhile? My guess is they will join the trader bandwagon-- buy and sell completed films. So don't be surprised to hear Indian actors and directors pocketing fatter fees. The days of a regular Rs 100 crore film is just around the corner.